...Baby
Cruz, diapers, baby wipes, swaddling, doctors appointments, nausea, avoiding foods
you once loved….
So
here I am about 15 weeks along in my pregnancy now, and finally experiencing
some relief from my morning sickness (which is actually more like all day /
anytime-of-the-day sickness for me, but more on that later). Also sitting here
wondering how the time went by so quickly, and trying to plan for the weeks
ahead.
I’ve
read books (thanks, Krissy xoxo), downloaded maybe 7 – 10 different pregnancy
apps, have amazing friends who are nurses in OB-GYN whom I bother to no end (I love
you KR, and SIL!), friends who have just gone through their first pregnancy and
birth (miss you, EV), and male friends who are new fathers. I’ve also baby-sat countless younger cousins
from birth to pre-teen, and witnessed them grow into wonderful individuals. I did the math and knew what costs came
associated with a newborn and all the financial commitment in the years to
come.
Logically
and mentally, I was prepared. But
ladies, no amount of resources, however
vast they may be, can ever fully prepare you emotionally and physically for how vulnerable you will be.
I am
constantly worried that Baby Cruz (aka Habibi) is doing all right in there -- I wish I could ask her* if my skinny jeans
now squish my uterus too much for her to be comfortable. Or if the Kendrick Lamar that I blast is
annoying, and if she prefers Mozart or Spice Girls (Is this fish too high in
mercury to eat while I’m pregnant? I
should check my app). The thought of
Down Syndrome, and birth defects never leave my mind. Hearing her heartbeat at
every appointment is a new-found comfort, and I have seriously considered
buying one of those home fetal Dopplers.
It has been a roller coaster of thoughts and emotions, and I don’t think there is any
getting off this ride.
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” -- Elizabeth Stone
Here’s
to the next 20 or so weeks of still
being able to keep my heart tucked inside.
Habibi @ approx 12 weeks
*no,
I do not know the sex yet. I am using “her/she”
because it is more convenient than to keep typing “him/her/she/he”
